1. Your teeth will never look as perfect as the models' in Colgate ads.
2. A group of singing male dancers will never appear suddenly out of nowhere and start shampooing your hair.
3. No matter how dry your skin gets, you will never turn into an alligator or any other type of reptile.
4. Your love will never significantly improve because of a breath mint.
5. You'll never be completely satisfied by eating a Snickers or any other candy bar.
6. If you drive an SUV10 up a mountain, across a desert and into a crocodile infested swamp, it will get dirty, it will get scratched and it will most likely get totaled.
7. What looks great on a fashion model usually looks pretty goofy on anybody else.
8. No matter how many Coca-colas you guzzle, you won't be able to chase down a cheetah or leap the Grand Canyon in a single bound.
9. Your average house pet cannot open refrigerators, talk on the telephone or surf the Net.
10. Unlike the celebs you see in the “Got Milk” ads, you will never look hip with white stuff spread across your upper lip.
11. Cold cuts and sandwiches do not enjoy being eaten, nor are they waiting for you to open the refrigerator door so they can talk to you.
12. Skittles and M&&Ms are never as large and colorful as they look in ads.
13. Mermaids do not drink any brand of bottled water.
14. Fast-food hamburgers are never as big and juicy as they look in a McDonald's or Burger King commercial.
15. God will never love you more because you're wearing Chanel. And he will never love you less if you are not wearing it. He thinks you're beautiful, and he loves you just the way you are!
