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GRE写作典型问题实例剖析 |
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| www.iselong.com 日期：2006-03-05 21:24
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study and acquire knowledge. If the case /imagination（应该用possibility）
is true, it will undermine the arguer's conclusion. Therefore, the
conclusion is suspectable. （拼写错误，susceptible）
Finally, the arguer also declares that the increase of house rent will lead
to students cannot find proper houses. (lead to 后面跟名词形式，不能跟从句，
可以改为lead to students’ failing to find proper houses.) It is untenable
because the arguer provides no proof that can show how much the rent
increase. Perhaps the rent is increased a little, and students still can
afford it; hence it is possible that many students still will rent the
house out of school instead of staying in dormitory.
Overall, the argument is well delivered, but the conclusion is
unconvincing. If the arguer wants to enhance his or her argument,(enhance的
对象不是argument, 而是the cogency of the argument) he or she must provide
more evidences like the suggestions of students, the survey about the
future enrollment; he or she also should consider other possible
alternatives and causes.（破坏列举的排比句式，失去了原有的句群模式，是败笔，
可以保持为“and other possible alternatives and causes as well.）
10:36
注：作者在这里明显是存在论证句式贫乏，攻击力度虚弱等缺陷，另外在语言上也显不
足，具体表现在对有些字词的运用失之偏颇。Argument的攻击必须要在“一点”上加以
展开，作者只是干瘪的使用提纲式的句型揪出其中的小辫，而不知如何好好展开，所以
处处感觉作者批驳得很艰难，很吃力。
159. The human mind will always be superior to machines because machines
are only tools of human minds.
9:02
With the development of the science and technology, there is a growing
discussion whether machines would replace people because there are so many
tasks that are solved by machines, moreover sometimes many people feel they
cannot do some work which (少用疑问关系代词，这些词在这里没有任何实际意义，
以下同)machines can serve. Although modern machines can deal with many
problems that people cannot do, in fact machines are the products of human
beings, and they cannot instead (instead是副词，不是动词，用法错误，应该同上
用replace，以下同)people forever.
To begin with, it is human beings who create machines so machines must be
（少用be动词，换上实义动词就生动多了，比如operate, work）under the charge
of people. Even if there are some intelligent machines like robust,
computer etc, yet these products need people's order, then they can work
well. Take the modern manufacture industry as an example; in today's
assembly line, there are many jobs which can be done only by machines,
while people still need to stay there in order to keep the machines work
well and prevent machines from breaking out; sometimes, machines would make
mistakes for their equipments have been broken （语法错误，for后面跟名词性短
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